I was going to spill the beans on religion today but I seem to still be going through a mild case of impotency. So maybe something lighter…

Under water, with our eyes closed. That is how Cid and I used to kiss when we were seven. We would dive and meet in the middle of the pool and for a second or two our lips would touch, electricity would travel to the end of our toes and we would do it again, and again. We would then re-surface and we would check to see if anyone noticed. No one ever did. Our parent enjoyed adult time with their Scotch and soda and whatever Cid and I did on the bottom of the pool was our business.

We were inseparable, joined at the hip, phone buddies, weekend warriors and explorers. We explored the farm, the pool, the barn, and even got to draw our private parts on the dirt. We played doctor and I always took charge, he always complied. Our friendship grew and grew and throughout the years even thought we got to explore a lot more of each other, ours was always friendly love and never anything more demanding. The marriage and all the silly little promises we made to each other never materialized… at seven we were friends, between 17 and 27 we were occasionally more than friends, at 37 he was a missing friend…

Here I am, 30 yeas later and the phone rings. The caller, Kennadi wants to talk with Eric, who is seven. She calls and calls. But Eric is not home, then he is swimming, then he is playing outside. After five calls, he finally talks with her for a second or so. Of course curiosity is burning in my veins. The memory of my friend Cid is fresh in my mind. I think of all that I fondly remember from those days. So I ask Eric: What did Kennadi want? She wants to know if we can break up for the summer. He says. I ask if that hurts him. He replies matter of fact…Nah! She’ll be back. I hope so. I hope, he can enjoy the same friendship and love that I did with my friend Cid.

Hey Cid, this one is for you!

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Today I decided to do something about it. My husband and I are going on a diet!

I’ve been complaining lately about the pizza slice that grew in my ass and about looking like a beat up mattress so it is time to put a stop to it. We have purchased the Weight Watchers plan. Yikes, yikes yikes! It sounds like we are going to be adding and adding so we can subtract the pounds, it has so many rules that my head almost exploded when I read the book. Not only there is a lot to read but the plan comes with a calculator for your points, a pedometer, and a lovely bracelet that you can keep track of what you ate. Oh yeah right…there is no way in hell I will wear that. Luckily the program includes what they call “The Core Plan” where there is a list of what you can eat but you don’t have to keep track of the points. I think we’ll try that one first. Let’s see if the pounds melt away…

It is funny how most ladies start their married life skinny and in a shape other than round, then as the years go by their shape changes and the love handles appear. I have a theory on that… I think that we pork up after getting married because some of us keep all the sperm we get pumped with. Of course not everyone is the same, so some find a way to get rid of the little buggers while others like me keep them in the form of fat. I am ready to shed my sperm weight!

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It’s In the Water

August 19, 2009

I had lunch yesterday with the prettiest pregnant woman. She is a riot and brought to mind all the quirkiness of pregnancy. Mine were both fun and at the time they seemed like they lasted forever. I gained lots of pounds and probably still have some stray pounds that refuse to leave.
But I tell you [...]

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English – The Beginning

August 19, 2009

I was thinking maybe I should elaborate a little on how I ended up learning English at all… You see, I was born in Brazil and even though from pre-school to high school I was taught English I never learned past the basics. Not only I was a shitty student there was no one to [...]

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Lily Ass and More

August 19, 2009

As I spend my lazy summer Sunday in the pool listening to some music, I think of the English language and smile comes to my lips. With that comes the curiosity of how some words get their meaning, and how slang makes it all even more interesting.
For example, Bush: a president, a plant, a vagina [...]

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The Penis Dilema

August 19, 2009

Penis or no penis? It is not a real dilemma for me, since it has always been a part of my lovemaking. And yes, I must confess sometimes the look of two girls is exciting. But, in most scenes I’ve seen they usually end up bring in the big plastic penis. Hence my original question.
In [...]

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Can We Be Happy Without a Penis?

August 19, 2009

Is it true or not that a woman can’t be happy without a penis?
We discussed that at lunch today. I know, I know, I have the best lunches. It is amazing to be free to talk to friends about any thing you want to. It is also funny to see the expression on people’s face [...]

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Sex Procrastination

August 19, 2009

I had lunch with friends today and somehow the topic was sex. It is always the favorite subject…I think we are all just talking too much about it and not having enough. I pledged myself to attack my husband today. Nah scratch that…Maybe this weekend.
You see life is way to busy right now. There are [...]

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Vampire Kitty

August 19, 2009

I was here thinking about what to write next when my cat jumped on top of the keyboard. I gently put her down and assured her I would pet her soon. She wants it now! She wrapped her body around my legs and meowed insistently. I wanted to keep writing but I realized I rather [...]

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Do We Really Know People?

August 19, 2009

Its so funny how we think we know people. Sometimes we find ourselves caught by the improbable action of someone we know. Life is fun that way! If everyone were really transparent it would be a suck ass world. (Yuck, what a visual!)
Some of my friends have mentioned that they did not know about the [...]

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