I had lunch yesterday with the prettiest pregnant woman. She is a riot and brought to mind all the quirkiness of pregnancy. Mine were both fun and at the time they seemed like they lasted forever. I gained lots of pounds and probably still have some stray pounds that refuse to leave.
But I tell you pregnancy is the best diet, you can eat like a pig for nine months and then one day you loose 25 pounds. Not only that but you get to eat weird foods and no one looks at you like you are crazy. It’s all understood, you are allowed to eat everything in sight, you can rest at will and suddenly you go from a know it all to very insignificant, after all you really have no idea what’s coming. Every kid is different and I think it does not matter how many you had, there is always that feeling of being surprised. The only sure thing are hemorrhoids, or butt roses like I affectionately call them!
After the longest nine months and indescribable bodily functions you get to bring a new toy home. Of course the kid is not a toy but it will provide hours of entertainment and will for sure make your life more complete. I know it sounds corny but the moms will agree with me. I do think it’s funny how the moms love to talk about the actual delivery. I’m not kidding it never leaves me. It is the only experience in my life that if I close my eyes I can get all the memory back and even the smells, it is like I can see it all happening. Way cool!
I did have 2 c-sections so the big, overstretched huge purple vagina does not get in the picture. Yikes! If I were a man, after seeing one of those I would stay away forever. Ha ha! Just kidding.
For my pregnant friends out there, forgive me. It’s not going to happen to yours! After all you can have a date with a knife and the little one comes out of the window instead of the door. That is what my gynecologist Doctor Bush told me. “Sorry sweetie but after 24 hrs we have to open the window cause the door does not want to open.” Of course in a 24 hr period, everyone had to check on me. I had 3 shifts of Nurses come in and stick their fingers in my vagina. After a while I turned to the Nurse and asked her if the janitor wanted to try it too. Don’t even get me started on the amniotic bag. Yuck!
Nasty business I tell you. You truly get to be best friends with your body after such experience.
It’s funny how pregnancy comes in waves. It seems that when someone you know is pregnant, and then suddenly there are lots of people you know call you and they too are pregnant. I know four women pregnant now. I wonder how the universe conspires that way.
